Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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