Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you win again, gameday.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
