I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
