sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
