Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
