She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
