The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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