Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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