She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
