my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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