I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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