We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
