She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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