I look better un-naked...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
