even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I did not marry a roomba.
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