he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
