I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
