I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
