whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
