My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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