drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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