one two three fourrrrnication!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
false alarm, still single
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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