it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize