so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
whose ass print is on the piano?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
