I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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