how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
