her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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