Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
