oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
