I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
