i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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