went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
