I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
