I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
