I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
