Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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