either way he was missing a nipple.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
