so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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