awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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