God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
