Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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