I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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