Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
