Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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