No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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