I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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