When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
