forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
