i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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