I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wish my penis had a tongue
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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