My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
