So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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