Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
