i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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