What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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