I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
