I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
