So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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