cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
