Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
