im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
