If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
