After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
